One of the biggest (if not the biggest) barriers for domestic abuse victims to leave their abuser is money. Without the means, a victim has a difficult road trying to finance her escape. This money barrier was definitely a major factor in my own situation. Even though my husband made a lot of money (especially compared to the local economy), he never learned how to save or delay his own wants. So, we often lived paycheck-to-paycheck with most of his income going toward debts. I even had to cover the check he wrote for our courthouse wedding because he was kiting checks. Some abusers exercise absolute control of household finances even if the victim has an income of her own. Victims often have to beg for money for even the slightest or normal things. In my case, I was put in charge of the finances. This served to absolve him of all financial responsiblity. When he ran out of money or credit or both, he would blame me even when the facts screamed that he was solely responsible for his own financial problems. This was one way he would build me up so that he could later tear me down: "You're really great at ___." always led to "You're a worthless lazy mooch". Financing my escape seemed impossible. We rarely had any extra money and in those times when I was able to save, he would find a way to blow it all. I had not gone into this marriage with the mindset that I needed to squirrel away money in case it didn't work out. When it became apparent that I needed money to be able to escape, I had none. Nor did I have an education that might more easily help me transition to self-sufficiency. Years of experience taught me that if I ever got a job or ever tried to pursue a degree, he would sabotage it. That's what he did. A few years ago when I really started crying out to God to rescue me from this abusive man, I started researching my options. While there are a lot of organizations who talk about helping women out of abuse, no one really addresses the financial side of it. Temporary housing and assistance is not a solution to rebuilding a life. To me, it looked like an extension of the abuse. Another thing I have discovered is that in order to qualify for financial grants, domestic abuse victims have to be separated for 6-12 months and meet a host of other criteria. Some grants require that you're in domestic abuse counseling for 6 months. On one side, these rules seem necessary to prevent money going to victims who will return to their abuser. On the other side, these grants aren't helping women to become self-sufficient so that they don't feel it necessary to return to their abuser. Is there any middle ground? Are there ways to help domestic abuse victims financially without forcing them to struggle even more or to feel completely helpless? Do organizations exist that assist domestic abuse victims in finding real employment? At this time, I do not have the answers to these questions. I spoke with a local domestic violence economic advocate and it was the most depressing conversation I have had throughout this ordeal. I walked out feeling defeated and worthless, just like my abuser said I was for 21.5 years. Also, there seems to be a lot of funding going towards research and reports, but little trickling down to help victims in tangible and meaningful ways. One of my missions is to find out what I can on the issue of real economic security for domestic abuse victims. Maybe its out there and just out of sight. Or maybe some boats need to be rocked to bring people and action together. No more lip service. When 25-33% of women are victims of domestic abuse, there needs to be so much more than talk. Rebuilding takes effort. Rebuilding takes time. And rebuilding takes money. #DomesticAbuseIsNotOkay
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorAnne-Marie Archives
March 2020
Categories
All
Get HelpThe National Domestic Abuse Hotline TheHotline.org |
Home
About Contact |
The purpose for this blog is to be a beacon of hope to others trapped in abusive relationships and to educate others to recognize abuse that may be going on in the lives of people you know. There is real help available to domestic abuse victims, but sometimes it is hard to find and hard to take that necessary step to freedom. But there is a way out. I want to share all that I have learned so far on this journey into my new life as well as everything that I will continue to learn along the way.
|
Psalm 22:24 "For he has not despised or abhorred the affliction of the afflicted, and he has not hidden his face from him, but has heard, when he cried to him."
|