You're a well-intentioned person.
You don't like seeing someone you care about suffering in an abusive relationship. You feel helpless. And the answers seem so obvious and clear to you. But before you offer up what seems like logical advice, you need to know why your advice will likely be ignored or miscontrued in the ears of the victim. Well-meaning advice is often oversimplied input in a much more complicated situation. It can even be extremely depressing to a victim or feel like victim-shaming. That's not the outcome you're looking for. It might even be dangerous for the victim. So, here's my (unexhaustive) list of What Not To Say To a Domestic Abuse Victim (and real ways you can help):
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I found the following course on the Florida Courts website. In it,Judge Alice Blackwell of Florida's 9th Circuit Court, educates fellow Florida Family Court judges on the effects of interpersonal* abuse on the economic stability of victims; why and what Family Court judges should do to promote economic stability of the victims.
https://www.flcourts.org/economic-security/story_html5.html
The following is an account of the domestic abuse that took place in our home on April 27, 2019.As was a typical day in my 21.5 years of marriage, my husband tried to start a fight with me over nothing.
After hearing dishes being thrown around in the kitchen sink, I walked into the dining room and asked from the breakfast bar, "What are you doing?" He responded with "Shut up!", "Just go away!" and "I don't have to answer your questions!" Annoyed, I said, "I don't know why you have to be such an ass about everything." Then I walked out of the room. On April 27, 2019, my life changed.
Finally! I had been crying out to God to rescue me from my abusive husband for years. During the last two years (years 20-22), I documented more and more of the ongoing abuse I endured---that my children endured with me--- in a digital journal. I prayed the prayers that no one will ever admit to praying. Still, deep within, I knew that My God was bigger than the anger and bitterness of a woman trapped in an abusive relationship. In the midst of it all, I knew that He saw and felt my hurting, my needs, my fears, my heart, and my tears. Though I had given God plenty of recommendations for how to deal with my abuser, I didn't know how it was all going to play out. |
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March 2020
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Get HelpThe National Domestic Abuse Hotline TheHotline.org |
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The purpose for this blog is to be a beacon of hope to others trapped in abusive relationships and to educate others to recognize abuse that may be going on in the lives of people you know. There is real help available to domestic abuse victims, but sometimes it is hard to find and hard to take that necessary step to freedom. But there is a way out. I want to share all that I have learned so far on this journey into my new life as well as everything that I will continue to learn along the way.
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Psalm 22:24 "For he has not despised or abhorred the affliction of the afflicted, and he has not hidden his face from him, but has heard, when he cried to him."
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