On April 27, 2019, my life changed. Finally! I had been crying out to God to rescue me from my abusive husband for years. During the last two years (years 20-22), I documented more and more of the ongoing abuse I endured---that my children endured with me--- in a digital journal. I prayed the prayers that no one will ever admit to praying. Still, deep within, I knew that My God was bigger than the anger and bitterness of a woman trapped in an abusive relationship. In the midst of it all, I knew that He saw and felt my hurting, my needs, my fears, my heart, and my tears. Though I had given God plenty of recommendations for how to deal with my abuser, I didn't know how it was all going to play out. What happened on 4/27/2019, probably wouldn't seem like a rescue to many people. (Click here to read that story.) It certainly didn't fit the format of the rescues I had begged God for. But it was undeniably a Divine rescue. I am not saying that God approved of the domestic abuse on any level. Pain and torture is not His Will for us. He loves us and it hurts Him to see us being abused. He hates the abuse. He called us to love each other and domestic abuse is the antithesis of a loving action. Why God allows such things to exist is a deeply theological discussion although it has a relatively simple answer: He gave us Free Will. Perhaps I will explore that in a later blog post. For this blog post, I want to focus on how God uses even the things meant for evil to bring glory to His Name, Because that's exactly what is happening. As often as I prayed for a rescue, I asked God, "What purpose does this abuse serve? How does my being abused glorify You? How can I serve you the way that I am meant to while being physically abused, as well as routinely verbally torn down and psychologically tortured?" Within days (hours really) of my husband's domestic battery arrest, God began showing me things. First, there was an immediate peace in our home without my husband here. We all felt it and it felt so good! Despite all that had transpired that day, our home was peaceful. We even sat down to watch a few episodes of Stargate Atlantis. It was the peace I had long desired, but had forgotten could even exist. Sadly, I spent years (nearly 22) trapped in this abusive man's grasp. Many fears kept me there. No one outside our home, except for two of my cloest friends, knew what went on daily between these walls. And I only confided in those two friends in very recent years. I hid the abuse because I was afraid and ashamed. The moment I attempted to dial 9-1-1 on April 27, 2019, I knew that my life---and the lives of our four children---would change forever. But it was the absolute best and right decision to make. Initially, following his arrest, I started talking about the abuse on Twitter, where few know me personally. It felt good to talk about it, to share the photos, and to, at last, stop hiding from what I had been subjected to for over two decades. At the same time, I posted vague updates on my Facebook page. I asked for prayer. I said that our lives had been "upended". As people started to inquire privately, I opened up to those I knew and trusted. I was tremendously blessed by the prayers and encouragement being given. One day, I finally decided it was time to go public; to stop hiding behind vague requests for prayer. I put away my fears, shame, and worrying what people might think and traded them for open, honest dialog about the domestic abuse I had endured. It was liberating to talk openly about all that had been kept secret for so long. The purpose for this blog is to be a beacon of hope to others trapped in abusive relationships. I wish I had known years ago that there was help---real help; that there was a way out. And I want to share all that I have learned so far on this journey into my new life as well as everything that I will continue to learn along the way. I will not be silent anymore. #DomesticAbuseIsNotOkay
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The purpose for this blog is to be a beacon of hope to others trapped in abusive relationships and to educate others to recognize abuse that may be going on in the lives of people you know. There is real help available to domestic abuse victims, but sometimes it is hard to find and hard to take that necessary step to freedom. But there is a way out. I want to share all that I have learned so far on this journey into my new life as well as everything that I will continue to learn along the way.
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Psalm 22:24 "For he has not despised or abhorred the affliction of the afflicted, and he has not hidden his face from him, but has heard, when he cried to him."
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