Perhaps you've seen the meme that says, "It's called a selfie because narcisstie is too hard to spell." It's good for laugh, but the more research I do to help heal from long-term domestic abuse the more I find that narcissism is growing to epic proportions. Though I am not entirely surprised by this growth of narcissim in this 2 Timothy 3:2 world filled with arrogant, greedy, lovers of themselves only people, I never thought narcissim fully applied to my abuser.
0 Comments
Your letter to his probation officer was very insightful as to the lies he has fooled you into believing.
It's not your fault. You are dealing with a skilled narcissist and a lifelong pathological liar. You're not the first one to believe all of his lies and fall for his charm. And he is beyond delusional; believing his own lies even in the face of facts. You have to really know him to know how detached he is from reality. The kids and I were talking tonight about "the incident". (That's our term for the day our abuser was arrested for Domestic Battery.) Or more to the point, we were discussing the PTSD that we all suffer from after years of abuse and how it has revealed itself in the aftermath. Some of our tales are rather funny in the light of day, but we could do without the fear, the uncontrollable nightmares, and being easily startled awake.
Tonight's discussion led to one child asking, "How long has it been?" I glanced at the calendar and noticed that tomorrow is 9/27/2019. That makes it 5 months since 4/27/2019. My two adult sons and I listened incredulously to the excuses being offered up by our abuser's parents. They had received jail system phone messages a few days after my husband had been arrested for 3 counts of Domestic Battery. So they called my oldest son (with a nauseating sound of "Oh, this will be good gossip.") to find out what was going on.
My son dialed his Papa's number and put the phone on speaker. The exchange went something like this: One of the biggest (if not the biggest) barriers for domestic abuse victims to leave their abuser is money. Without the means, a victim has a difficult road trying to finance her escape.
This money barrier was definitely a major factor in my own situation. Even though my husband made a lot of money (especially compared to the local economy), he never learned how to save or delay his own wants. So, we often lived paycheck-to-paycheck with most of his income going toward debts. I even had to cover the check he wrote for our courthouse wedding because he was kiting checks. A friend recently told me that I was the third person she personally knew who was a victim of domestic abuse. "1 in 4", I told her, "those are the statistics for women being victims of domestic abuse."
For those who know me personally, the following might look a little familiar. I posted this on my personal Facebook page on June 1st, 2019. But in light of the conversation with my friend, I wanted to share it on this blog too, You're a well-intentioned person.
You don't like seeing someone you care about suffering in an abusive relationship. You feel helpless. And the answers seem so obvious and clear to you. But before you offer up what seems like logical advice, you need to know why your advice will likely be ignored or miscontrued in the ears of the victim. Well-meaning advice is often oversimplied input in a much more complicated situation. It can even be extremely depressing to a victim or feel like victim-shaming. That's not the outcome you're looking for. It might even be dangerous for the victim. So, here's my (unexhaustive) list of What Not To Say To a Domestic Abuse Victim (and real ways you can help): The following is an account of the domestic abuse that took place in our home on April 27, 2019.As was a typical day in my 21.5 years of marriage, my husband tried to start a fight with me over nothing.
After hearing dishes being thrown around in the kitchen sink, I walked into the dining room and asked from the breakfast bar, "What are you doing?" He responded with "Shut up!", "Just go away!" and "I don't have to answer your questions!" Annoyed, I said, "I don't know why you have to be such an ass about everything." Then I walked out of the room. On April 27, 2019, my life changed.
Finally! I had been crying out to God to rescue me from my abusive husband for years. During the last two years (years 20-22), I documented more and more of the ongoing abuse I endured---that my children endured with me--- in a digital journal. I prayed the prayers that no one will ever admit to praying. Still, deep within, I knew that My God was bigger than the anger and bitterness of a woman trapped in an abusive relationship. In the midst of it all, I knew that He saw and felt my hurting, my needs, my fears, my heart, and my tears. Though I had given God plenty of recommendations for how to deal with my abuser, I didn't know how it was all going to play out. |
AuthorAnne-Marie Archives
March 2020
Categories
All
Get HelpThe National Domestic Abuse Hotline TheHotline.org |
Home
About Contact |
The purpose for this blog is to be a beacon of hope to others trapped in abusive relationships and to educate others to recognize abuse that may be going on in the lives of people you know. There is real help available to domestic abuse victims, but sometimes it is hard to find and hard to take that necessary step to freedom. But there is a way out. I want to share all that I have learned so far on this journey into my new life as well as everything that I will continue to learn along the way.
|
Psalm 22:24 "For he has not despised or abhorred the affliction of the afflicted, and he has not hidden his face from him, but has heard, when he cried to him."
|