Your letter to his probation officer was very insightful as to the lies he has fooled you into believing. It's not your fault. You are dealing with a skilled narcissist and a lifelong pathological liar. You're not the first one to believe all of his lies and fall for his charm. And he is beyond delusional; believing his own lies even in the face of facts. You have to really know him to know how detached he is from reality. Let's start with his statement, "I felt safer in Afghanistan than I did in my own home." Your client, Mr. Model Patient, has never served overseas. He's never even been overseas. On the issue of your statements that "his wife carried a gun in her waistband" every day and this is the "ultimate power, control, and abuse". Uh, no. She didn't. I am not able to carry my carry weapon, the one your model patient bought for me, on my body because it throws my back out to be unevenly weighted. Mr. Model Patient, on the other hand, did carry a gun in his waistband every day. In fact, there were at least 3 guns sitting on his desk the day he was arrested for domestic battery. The deputies needed my help to determine which one he had demanded that I shoot him with before he wrestled it away from me. That gun, the one I picked up in self-defense was sitting out in the open on his nightstand. If I had been carrying my gun on me when he attacked me on April 27, 2019, I would have shot him. He's alive because I didn't have a gun on me and couldn't defend myself while he was holding me to the ground and punching me. I have never been violent with your model patient even though he has shoved me into furniture and fixtures, rammed me into a counter, threw me over a counter, threw me to the floor when I was pregnant, punched me in the nose when I was pregnant, flipped over desks, damaged property, put his head through a wall, threw a full can of soda at my head, etc. He physically abused me 2-4 times a year for 21.5 years until I finally dialed 911 on April 27, 2019 because he terrified us all. But he verbally and psychologically abused me every day. And I have many diary notes that attest to his ongoing abuse in this home. Now, about those children he says he's missing so desperately. They have their own stories of physical, verbal, and psychological abuse by your model patient. He constantly told all of us that he could "kick us to the curb". One of the last things he said to them the day he was arrested was that he never wanted to see them again. These children have witnessed years of his abuse. Maybe you should read the police report to better understand what really went on here. Your model patient has performed this song and dance before---telling another counselor that I made him feel "unsafe". The only thing your model patient feels unsafe with is the truth. Dare to confront him with the truth or question his lies and he will turn on you. You will become another one of the delusions that he has living in his head. Just ask him to show you proof of his supposed service in Afghanistan and you will start seeing a very different person; a very disturbed individual lurking underneath the facade he has presented to you. As long as you continue to feed his ego by believing that I am the enemy, you will never see the real patient. I can't control what he says or what lies anyone chooses to believe. But you can't really treat him if you don't know the truth. You deserve to know the truth. You don't deserve to be lied to and made a fool of. You're a professional with decades of experience. I pray that God will open your eyes to see his lies. He are dealing with a real life Minus Man...where the tagline was "when he's around, nothing adds up". You need to stop and think...pray! We pray for our abuser every week during Shabbat. We pray that he gets the treatment that he desperately needs for his own sake. We pray that he will not move on to more victims. We are not his first victims. But we do hope that he will never be able to hurt another person again. #DomesticAbuseIsNotOkay
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The purpose for this blog is to be a beacon of hope to others trapped in abusive relationships and to educate others to recognize abuse that may be going on in the lives of people you know. There is real help available to domestic abuse victims, but sometimes it is hard to find and hard to take that necessary step to freedom. But there is a way out. I want to share all that I have learned so far on this journey into my new life as well as everything that I will continue to learn along the way.
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Psalm 22:24 "For he has not despised or abhorred the affliction of the afflicted, and he has not hidden his face from him, but has heard, when he cried to him."
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